So a few hours ago we got a call from Matt's friend, lets call him O. He was letting us know that his girlfriend was going to have their baby in the next twenty four hours. I am SO happy for them, but at the same time I am SO jealous. O and his girlfriend are not like Matt and I. Sparing the ridiculous stories, not stable. His girlfriend has been irresponsible while pregnant, but who am I to judge. It just gives me the feeling of why do two people who are not put together, and not ready or wanting, get the one thing I would give anything in the world for. I have been jealous since they found out. It was right around the time I had surgery to find out what was wrong with my ovaries, and emotions were flowing...like crazy. I am glad they are going to have a new bundle of joy in their lives, and O is going to be a great dad.
After thinking for the past couple of hours, the only thing that comes to mind is my biggest fear. About a year ago I started having pains in my ovaries, after doctors appointments, and surgery, the doctors could not find anything. This was the best news, but at the same time, the pain is still here, and we still do not know the cause. It scares me that there is something wrong enough to keep me from getting pregnant, but only time will tell. My heart goes out to every woman that struggles with fertility. I can not imagine the emotions involved. I just want to move on from my fear and hope for the most.
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